Articles

Daily Mail (London)

July 9, 1994

The Comedian

A Question of Sex

Byline: Lester Middlehurst

Comedian Ryan Stiles, 35, has lived with his wife, Patricia for 14 years and they have a two-

year-old daughter, Mackenzie. He talks to Lester Middlehurst about life and love.

Who was your first girlfriend?

Wendy Sanders, who I was at school with in Richmond, British Columbia, when I was 14.

When did you have your first sexual relationship?

With Wendy when I was 15. I can't really remember how I felt because it all flashed by in about 30 second. Fear is the one emotion that sticks in my mind.

Is love-making better when it is within a marriage?

It's never going to be the same as it was at the beginning...but at least you get the chance to do it twice and make up for your mistakes.

Have you ever been unfaithful while in a relationship?

Yes, but not since I've been with my wife, Patricia. I felt pretty bad about it at the time.

Could you forgive your wife if she was unfaithful?

Why, what have you heard? It would really depend on the circumstances. It would be hard to forgive her, but I think I would because I wouldn't want to have to take care of the children on my own.

What effect does having children have on your sex life?

It's hard to find the time to make love. Having children cuts down on a lot of things you can do, but they are certainly worth it.

Where is the most unusual place you have made love?

I'm not one of those 'in a plane' kind of people. I suppose it would have been at some girl's parents' house.

What was your funniest sexual experience?

My wife laughs all the time, so it's hard to narrow it down to one.

How often do you think about sex?

Maybe three times a day. I would rather watch a football game than think about sex.

What do you like to do immediately after making love?

Light up a cigarette or have something to eat.

How many sexual partners have you had?

Between 20 and 30.

Have you ever had a one-night stand?

Yes, when I was doing stand-up comedy round the clubs there was usually someone in the audience with whom I could go to bed. I didn't feel guilty about it unless they wanted to continue the relationship and I didn't.

Have you ever been romantically broken-hearted?

That's yet to come. I've had pretty good luck so far. I guess I've always been the jerk who broke other people's hearts.

Were you able to discuss sex with your parents?

If they asked, I was happy to help.

Will you discuss sex with your children?

I will probably be like my dad and avoid it at all costs. Hopefully, their mother will take over in that department.

What turns you on about a woman?

The fact that they exist and everything about them. I do like a sense of humour and a smile.

What turns you off about a woman?

When I'm talking to a woman and she thinks I'm just hitting on her.

What does your wife find most attractive about you?

My net income after tax.

Should men always make the first move?

No. I have never asked a girl to dance or out on a date. Even my wife asked me out on our first date. I was working at a comedy club in Vancouver and she was waitressing. She asked me out for a drink one night and about three or four dates later, she asked me out to the movies. She got fed up waiting for me to make the move.

Is promiscuity ever acceptable?

I suppose it's okay before you are married. But I would hate to be single now because there's a lot more stuff to watch out for than there was when I was dating.

Should prostitution be legalised?

Either that or be cheaper. Seriously, I think that if it was legalised the authorities would have better control over it.

What is the most erotic film you have ever seen?

Crimes Of Passion.

The most erotic book you have ever read?

The thing that sticks in my mind is that my mother used to get these National Geographic magazines when I was a child and that's where I saw my first breast.

When did you watch your first pornographic film?

When I was 22 with a bunch of guys, which rather defeated the purpose. I didn't watch it for very long. You don't exactly have to figure out the plot. Actually, I think women like pornographic films more than men do.

Have you ever had an AIDS test?

No, because I've been with my wife so long that I'm not worried about it and I'm not worried about her. If the day ever came that I was single again, then I might have one.

Would you ever pose naked for a woman's magazine?

No, because I'm not that proud of my body. I'm 6ft 5in tall, so I probably wouldn't fit anyway.

Who in, the public eye, do you think has sex appeal?

I'm a big Hayley Mills fan. She's turned me on since I was about ten and she still looks good.

Do you miss love-making if you go for long without it?

Yes. When I'm away from home it's usually because of work, so I try to get caught up in that. Otherwise I go jogging or walk the dog.

Ryan Stiles is one of the stars of Whose Line Is It Anyway? which is screened Channel 4 (Fridays, 10.30pm)

Ryan says Pat, the mother of his two children - son Sammy three, and daughter Mac, five - has stood by him through thick and thin.

"As my career got going we've worried less and less about money," he says. "And we just go from strength to strength."

* * * * * * * * * *

'I FELL OFF THE STAGE INTO A MAN'S LAP'; RYAN STILES, THE AD-LIBBER WITH THE RAZOR SHARP MIND, IS ENJOYING ANOTHER BOUT OF COMIC COMPETITION IN THE CHANNEL 4 SERIES WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? BUT HE FOUND TIME TO TELL JANE SIMON ABOUT HIS SIZE 14 FEET, THE SEA CAPTAIN IN HIS BEDROOM AND LIFE IN SLIMY HOLLYWOOD...; INTERVIEW WITH RYAN STILES

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK?

The manual for my boat. If I buy something, I read the manual from cover to cover. When I bought my boat a few months ago the book that came with it was about six inches thick.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE POSSESSION?

I bought a '65 Lincoln last year - like the car President Kennedy was shot in. It's baby blue with a cream top and doors that open backwards. I paid pounds 2,500 for it - which wasn't too bad at all because it's in unbelievable shape. But it's a big pig of a car to drive and a real gas guzzler. My dad still doesn't know I bought it - or the boat - because he'd say I was crazy. No matter how much money I make, my dad would say. "Whaddaya want to buy a boat for? Put it in the bank!"

WHO DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?

Robin Williams. When he was in Vancouver, Canada, filming Jumanji he found out we were at a comedy club there and came and worked with us for about eight weeks. He kind of surprised me because I thought he'd be a real take, take, take kind of performer but he was very supportive.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TV PROGRAMME?

When I'm at home in America I just watch sports or cartoons. When I'm in London I catch things like Pets Win Prizes and Stars In Their Eyes. They're hilarious and it's so funny that nobody cares what the prizes are.

WHAT WAS THE FIRST RECORD YOU EVER BOUGHT?

Donovan's Atlantis. "Way down... below the ocean..." Remember that from 1968? I'm not a big fan of his but it was a really cool record.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE PHOTOGRAPH?

My wife Pat and I both collect antiques and we have a lot of old pictures in our house in Washington state - all these families from 100 years ago - and we have no idea who they are. The kids in them all look really stern and it's kind of scary actually. My favourite is probably the old sea captain we have hanging in the bedroom.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FILM?

Cool Hand Luke - it's not so much the movie as it is Paul Newman. I just love everything that he does. I've seen all of his films at least a dozen times.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ITEM OF CLOTHING?

Where we live in Washington state it rains a lot and I'm always trudging through mud, so it's probably my hiking boots. I don't actually go hiking but we have 10 acres of land so just working around the yard is like taking a hike.

WHO WAS YOUR FIRST ROMANCE?

I was 10 years old and at school in British Columbia, Canada. She was called Wendy Saunders. It was the first time I'd ever necked with a girl and the first time I ever felt anything - physically that is, not emotionally. I haven't heard a word from her since the 5th grade. The first girl who broke my heart was called Gina. I met her when I moved down to Los Angeles when I was 17. It wasn't a long relationship - just a year and a half - but it was pretty intense because neither of us knew anybody and we lived right in Hollywood which was the slimiest area of town. I haven't seen her for 15 years but once in a while I dream about her and wonder if she's thinking about me. Gina was from Toronto - my wife's from Toronto; Gina's maiden name is MacDonald - my wife's maiden name is MacDonald. And they both had brothers named Michael. Now I come to think of it, I've never seen them together...

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD?

I suppose I should say Kentucky Fried Chicken because I do their commercials. But I really like to cook. I could count on one hand the number of times my wife has cooked dinner. Me and my brothers used to whip up our own stuff when we were kids. My favourite recipe is shrimp in Jamaican sauce stirred up in a wok with some couscous.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE/HATE ABOUT YOUR BODY?

I'm pretty proud of the fact that I still have hair and I've got nice hands. They've never done a day's work in their life so they're nice and smooth. I don't think anybody has attractive feet and when they're The Mirrorize 14 like mine, they're even more unattractive. But I'm 6ft 5in and my mother was right when she said I'd look really stupid with small feet.

WHAT'S BEEN YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT?

I fell off stage once in LA. We'd just had the stage remodelled and when the lights went down I just stepped off it and landed on a table in somebody's lap. I remember looking up at this guy's face and he's looking down at me thinking, "You sad person".

OnlineHost: Good evening! The WB Virtual Lot Presents: Cybertalk! Tonight we're joined by actor Ryan Stiles from "The Drew Carey Show." He's here to talk about this evening's episode which finds Drew and his pals doing a hilarious takeoff on the hit British film "The Full Monty." Welcome, Ryan Stiles!!

WB RyanSti: Hi, everybody!

WB Online6: Our first question comes from Sagepeg ....

Question: Do you get to write parts of the show?

WB RyanSti: Great Spice Girl name : ) Yes, we do improvise when we first receive the script.

WB Online6: From Dobre123 ...

Question: What is Mimi like when she's not playing her character?

WB RyanSti: Kind of like Norman Fell with a limp. Actually, she's very quiet, keeps to herself. All the makings of a great serial killer : )

WB Online6: From SAB92 ...

Question: What is in the beer bottles you drink on the show?

WB RyanSti: Beer...ooops, I mean scotch. I mean milk. I have no idea, but it's tasty.

WB Online6: From Gretchenk ...

Question: I'm from the Cleveland area & would like to know what you thought of the city during your visit this summer! We love the opening of the show here!!! PS Loved you on "Whose Line!"

WB RyanSti: Friendly people, great bars, exciting baseball. Didn't really care for it.

WB Online6: From Madtubber ...

Question: What do you think has caused the Drew Carey show to be such a success? WB RyanSti: Great jokes and plenty of nudity ... on and off-screen.

WB Online6: From Arnst19 ... Question: How can we get your autograph?

WB RyanSti: Again...great jokes and plenty of nudity. Well, forget the jokes. Write in to Warner Bros. Television, 4000 Warner Blvd., in our nation's capital, Burbank, CA. 91522.

WB Online6: From Phunky165 ....

Question: Hi, Ryan!! I love the show!! Its one of the few that make me laugh out loud. How'd you get into the show biz?

WB RyanSti: First, you need your Grade 12. A car. Patience. And that cheese with the little jalepenos in it. The real hot stuff. That's how I did it, anyway.

WB Online6: From Bigdogs04 ...

Question: What's your love life now that you wore tights on TV?

WB RyanSti: Love life? Why do they call you Bigdog?

WB Online6: From Sugarhy78 ...

Question: Do you have more fun doing improv or a scripted comedy?

WB RyanSti: Improv's fun because I never I have to see what I just did. And since I'm not getting paid to do it, it's the only real chance I have to get exactly what I want to do ... Dance!

WB Online6: From Showbz ...

Question: Hi Mr. Stiles - Love you on 'Whose Line' and Drew Carey. Your role on Carey has increased lately, what more is coming up for your character?

WB RyanSti: I don't know. I don't ask. As long as I remain a man.

WB Online6: From Belarmino ...

Question: Will your character hook up with Mi Mi now that all the women are taken?

WB RyanSti: Yes, and we'll open up a suit store for odd sizes. "Long and plump come on down!"

WB Online6: From KGoto ....

Question: Are you going to become a "Full Monty" on tonight's episode? Can you give us a few tidbits of what will happen?

WB RyanSti: Tidbits...what an appropriate word. Let's just say that they won't be using a wide-angle lens.

WB Online6: From TcgGATORS ...

Question: How long did it take to shoot the scene with the spinning boxes?

WB RyanSti: Not long, since I wasn't in that scene. Although I was watching...hidden...in one of the boxes. I'm dizzy...I'm dizzy...

WB Online6: From COJACK007 .... Question: Are you friends with your co-workers off the air?

WB RyanSti: Yes, we occasionally improvise together at different clubs. We're as good friends off the air as we appear on-air.

WB Online6: From CNOISEFUN ....

Question: Hi, Ryan. Love the show...really looking forward to tonight's

episode :o). Were you at all nervous about doing it?

WB RyanSti: Not at all. The body is totally natural and beautiful. And I had a wonderful prosthetics man.

WB Online6: From GOODGLYMM ....

Question: What is your favorite memory from Whose Line Is It Anyway? And how many years were you on it?

WB RyanSti: We're going into our 10th year. One time in NY , the studio flooded in the middle of winter. That was a lot of fun.

WB Online6: From Sara214 ...

Question: What do you do when you are on hiatus from the show?

WB RyanSti: Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling earth from a blimp. And chess.

WB Online6: From Brysonsmom ....

Question: Ryan, will you ever incorporate Ghoulardi on the show?

WB RyanSti: I imagine some day we'll incorporate many types of Italian meats. That's a decision that has to be made at the top.

WB Online6: From GOODGLYMM ....

Question: What are your upcoming roles, anything you can tell us about?

WB RyanSti: There are many upcoming roles. But nothing I can tell you about now. Meet me in the park...Sunday.

WB Online6: From Byteme27 ....

Question: Was it a hard struggle to get recognized as a Comedian?

WB RyanSti: It's a dog eat dog world. It's a jungle out there. The white zone is for loading and unloading of passengers only. I need a drink.

WB Online6: From Wasuka ....

Question: Hi Ryan!! I just love your show...can you tell me how it is to work with Drew Carey? Thank you!

WB RyanSti: Very easy. It's amazing what they can do with animatronics. Just don't get him wet.

WB Online6: From Viper4534 ...

Question: Do you ever play practical jokes on Drew?

WB RyanSti: Quite often. Just today, Diedrich Bader and I cut his brake fluid line. Can't wait to hear about that one tomorrow.

WB Online6: From Belarmino ...

Question: Are there any new developments in Drew Carey's real love life?

WB RyanSti: If he goes down any steep hills tonight...he won't have a love life.

WB Online6: From Phunky165 ...

Question: Ryan Stiles... I LOVE THE SHOW!!! It's one of the few highlights of my week.

WB RyanSti: Hard work. Determination. I think they saw me in a nightie. All right...I KNOW they saw me in a nightie.

WB Online6: From MELatbch ...

Question: How much of your character on Drew Carey is improv ... after all you are the master!

WB RyanSti: Gee ...I wish I could think of something to say. If I...maybe I should...we try to...Thanks for your question.

WB Online6: From Ashton782 ...

Question: Did you get along with everyone one 'Whose Line?'

WB RyanSti: I did and I do. The show is still in production. Unless you've heard something I haven't. What have you heard? Why are we keeping secrets from each other?

WB Online6: From Sugarhy78 ... Question: Do you like Drew's book?

WB RyanSti: Yes, it was a good read. I'd like everyone to pick up some of my records. I've got some Steely Dan, Foghat, Fleetwood Mac...the old Fleetwood Mac.

WB Online6: From Madtubber ...

Question: What do you hope to be doing in 10 years from now?

WB RyanSti: I hope I'm off this online chat. Lying on a beach with Tony Danza. Hey, you gotta have your dreams.

WB Online6: From BOBO69745 ....

Question: Do you have a favorite charity? WB RyanSti: Anything to do with kids.

WB Online6: From Sugarhy78 ...

Question: Who influenced you comically?

WB RyanSti: Carol Burnett, Bill Cosby, Tim Conway, George Bush. I'm kidding. I was never a Cosby fan.

WB Online6: From Belarmino ...

Question: I loved the last show where you got stuck in that vat of beer, is that a real fantasy of yours?

WB RyanSti: Why...got a vat of beer? Bottoms up!

WB Online6: From Damifino8 ...

Question: So, when will Buzz beer be on the market??!!!!!!

WB RyanSti: As soon as we can get permission from Warner Bros. and ABC. For now, meet me in a park, Sunday at 4:00. You know the rest.

WB Online6: From MDowden ....

Question: Hi Ryan, I just wanted to know the purpose of the show (*Was that your line?). Is it a game?? It's pretty funny anyway. I liked the one where you had to act like you were being sucked down the drain.

WB RyanSti: Yeah, that sucking down the drain one was one of my favorites. There is no purpose. It's just comedy. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's our friend not our enemy. I need a drink.

WB Online6: From Vashti18 ...

Question: Is there an acting role you've turned down that you subsequently wished you'd taken?

WB RyanSti: "Babe." Where's he now? I've got my own show. And he's lying between two eggs sunny-side up. Stupid pig.

WB Online6: From Belarmino ...

Question: Do you look better than Drew naked?

WB RyanSti: To answer that question, one would have to assume that I've looked at Drew naked. No, I'm not. But I try harder.

WB Online6: From Swag1base .... Question: Will Kate and Oswald get married?

WB RyanSti: Perhaps. Let's just pray they never have children. Ever see "It's Alive?"

WB Online6: Our last question comes from Wasuka ....

Question: Ryan....I've heard the Full Monty is hilarious even though I usually do not get into British Humor...can you tell me about the Full Monty?

WB RyanSti: The Full Monty originated in Ireland in 1821. It was a cold, dark gray day. Look, I'm taking up valuable time. If you want to know more, there's this park... It's almost 6:00...let's get naked.

WB Online6: We would like to thank "The Drew Carey Show" star Ryan Stiles for joining us this evening on the Virtual Lot's CyberTalk!! Don't miss tonight's episode inspired by the film "The Fully Monty," where Drew and the gang concoct Drew and the gang concoct a scheme to raise a quick $4500. Drew Carey airs Wednesday at 9:00 PM on ABC. That's in 12 minutes! Stop by the Virtual Lot for an All-Star Thanksgiving with holiday memories with your favorite Celebrities!

Keyword: WBLot.

WB Online6: Ryan, do you have any last words for your cyberpals?

WB RyanSti: Size isn't everything. Keep that in mind tonight. Thanks for all your questions. Had a great time!

WB Online6: Ryan, We'll catch you on "The Drew Carey Show" on ABC at 9:00 pm tonight! And Goodnight Cyberpals!